SIX TO DO'S ON MEETING PEOPLE IN YOUR GROUP

Source: Member Survey Results

For this survey, we asked our membership to identify the most important things that people in groups should do during the initial group meeting. Here is what they said:

• Humor always helps break the ice


One of the best ways to break-the-ice and get the conversations and fun going is to use humor by telling a short funny story, a joke, using some self effacing humor (make fun of yourself) or other form of humor. As one member stated, “good humor goes a long way towards opening up the group and speeding the creation of new friendships.”
• Stand tall


Be proud of who you are when you introduce yourself. If you work as a clerk in a retail store and are matched with a doctor, lawyer and college professor, be proud of who you are and not be shy about telling them what you do. They’ll respect you for that. They’re there to make friends and occupations/background should generally make little or no difference. Several in the groups found the groups far more fun that had some diversity. Hey, we all want to make friends … different types of backgrounds make us more interesting!
• A little planning can move the group forward a long long way


Before the initial group get together, it’s important to plan an activity that will support the building of new friendships. It’s better to plan activities that support group interactions and best to avoid events that don’t (example: attending a movie). The first activity should promote discussions that allow people to get to know one another. In general, men tend to build friendships through doing things together (example: golf, cards, skiing, tennis, more…), whereas women tend to build friendships through talking. Of course, since there is no hard rule on this, you’ll need to decide for yourselves what to do.

When you first meet as a group, create a “purpose” for the group to exist. You’ll find it difficult to keep the group together without a sort of purpose. Examples of group purposes are:
1. Breakfast talk group – Meet at local restaurant every Saturday morning
2. Golf group – Meet at new course each Sunday
3. Card Group – Meet at different members house each Wednesday night
4. Shopping Group – Meet Tuesday and Thursday afternoons for shopping
While you can change the purpose at any time, this will help provide a reason to regularly or periodically get together and build your friendships. Nearing the end of the initial meeting, you may wish to get agreement on the next activity, meeting time and place. You may wish to use the “Talk” functions of Friendworks.com to finalize and communicate next steps.
• Ask other people questions and listen … probe to find out what they like to talk about


Although we’ve all likely heard this one many times, the majority of members answering this survey noted this point. Several stated that key to making friendships is getting to know each other. To do this, many recommended asking the others questions and listening well to what makes them “tick”. Often, this type of probing will turn up many fun and lively stories about your new potential friends. It will make the conversations go smoothly and begin the process of turning acquaintances into friends.
• Draw everyone into the conversations


The groups that appeared to be most successful were groups where our members worked to include all people attending in conversation and the planned group activity .. even the introverted people in the group. Furthermore, the groups worked to focus on many of the common interests of the group. Given that Friendworks matches people together who have common interests, you would imagine that doing this would be easy. Where this didn’t successfully happen, we found the groups to disband (fall apart) after a meeting or two.
• The more open you are, the more open others will be (understanding there are limits)


Generally speaking, our members found that the more open and forthright they were in discussing their backgrounds, experiences and interests, the more open were others in the group. While most of us have a tendency to watch what we say when we first meet people, it’s important to let people know that you’re a real person by straightforward and honest talk. You don’t want to come across as synthetic (not real) or a "stuffed shirt", so let your hair down a bit and have some fun in your discussions and activities.